Skater Baby

Stanley will pull the skateboard down and scoot around the house with it like he does with the cat bowl or his little cups. The other day I made an obstacle course for him (not really, our house was (is?) just a mess but most of the stuff/bags you see have left us forever and gone to Thriftstoreland.) I think if it weren't for all the obstacles he wouldn't have gotten on the board, so, yay for obstacles! This video was very dark so I lightened it which made it look really grainy but at least you get to see him pushing himself on the board!:

Worst Thing in the World Part IV

Here he is at or around 10 weeks old.

 When Stan Bear was somewhere around 10 weeks old he fell off the couch. It was terrible. I had just finished nursing him and he fell asleep. He was on his side. This was around the time when he was starting to roll over. He totally could roll from his side to his back - no problem - so looking back I just don't know what I was thinking. I remember getting up to get a glass of water. I was going to be quick. So I leaned our cylindrical back support pillow up against the couch where he was lying (as if that could keep him from falling off). I was mid-pour when I heard a bonk and his big, loud cry. I rushed back to the living room where I found him perpendicular to the couch - so, I think the pillow broke his fall a little (imagine sliding down a fireman's pole) and his little head was resting on one of my cushiony running shoes - thank goodness. I think it scared him more than anything. I picked him up. I checked him for bumps, blood and bruises. None. He was still crying and I held him and told him I was sorry over and over again and that I would never do that again and that I was sorry, so, so sorry. He probably cried for a good 4 minutes but it felt like ages. Once he calmed down I checked his arms and legs to make sure nothing seemed broken. He was fine. I remember saying to him, "I bet that was so scary. I'm so sorry I left you there." I felt horrible...like a horrible mother. When Mike came home that night I told him what happened and I cried. He said that things like that happen all the time. That babies are really resilient. I think someone told me once that their bones are really squishy and flexible still, I have no idea if that is true or not. I feel lucky. Lucky that no bones were broken. Lucky that no blood was shed. Lucky that he wasn't afraid of the couch or the bed after that. I told my friend Jane about it too and she said that she had a social worker friend who said that when they'd hear a bump upstairs they'd say, "Oh, baby just learned to roll over." Haha. Social Worker Humour. But, man oh man it was a terrible moment - it's taken me this long to write about it - that's how terrible it was. I guess the only good thing is that we don't have to worry about that old wives tale of falling off the bed. Although I cannot wait to cut his hair. It's so long it gets in his eyes. I've even put a bobby pin in his hair a couple of times. Anyhoo. Don't let your babies fall off couches.

Fish

Here he is getting ready to "jump" off the side of the pool. He loves doing this. Once he's in and made a big splash he does his giddy laugh that is just so sweet. And then we swim back to the ledge to do it again.

Here he is with his mouth under water. He's really good at not swallowing it and spitting it out instead.

ACTION! Here we are pretending that we're playing water polo. He really is an aggressive player.

Here he is enjoying the pool!

We loved having him in this swim class because of the access to the pool. The teacher was extremely flaky so we probably won't sign him up for it again (at least not for awhile.) In the meantime we will just take him to family swim at the Y which is down the street from us. In fact we did that the other day and it was just as fun as swim class. It's hard to do though with only one parent/adult. It was almost impossible for me to change out of my suit and into dry clothes and make sure he wasn't crawling off the bench and onto the grimy locker room floor. I will take Mike next time...or maybe a stroller with a towel where he can be strapped in while I change.

The Positive Side of 5:30 AM

So, The Bear sleeps through the night now...it's been about 3 weeks now where he sleeps anywhere from 9 to 11 hours. He goes to bed anywhere between 6:45 PM AND 8 PM. His average bedtime is 7 PM. No matter what time he goes to sleep he wakes up between 5:30 AM and 6 AM. More often than not it's around 5:42ish AM. That's sooooo early for me. I could do six but would prefer 7. I tried pushing his wake up to 6 AM by not nursing him until it turned 6 AM but that is painful (I'm exhausted and he is mobile and AWAKE.) So I nurse him because I can sort of sleep while doing that. Usually he takes his first nap a couple of hours later - which makes me think he should really be sleeping a couple of more hours. He get's really cuddly and sleepy between 6:30 AM and 7. I embrace the cuddles because I have a feeling he won't want to cuddle when he's 8 years old (or before that.) So bring on the adorable early morning cuddles where it seems like he is hungover and just throws himself on me all squirmy and floppy.

Nicknames

I realized that we call the Bear a lot of things. I think our nephew said to his mom something like, in an exasperated tone, "What is his real name? Everyone calls him a bunch of different things!" Ha! The obvious nicknames are Stan, Stan(ley) Bear, Aki, Aki Bear, Aki Burrito, the Bear. I noticed the other day that we call him things related to what he may be currently doing, say like, Grabby, Jumpy or Jumpy McJumperton, Crawly (what has changed into Matthew Crawley, from Downton Abbey!), Screamy, Bubbles, Pinchy. One from the earlier days was Squawky which we changed to Squawky Bear.  Kicky, Squirmy or Squirm Worm. I could go on and on. I've also referred to him as my son a lot lately and it still feels so new. I have a son! - that's what I think when calling him that. Amazing.

Transitions

Mike thinks this is disgusting. I think this is smart. All I have to do to clean him off is put him in the front yard and hose him down.

(I don't actually do that, but I might, come summertime, I think he'd enjoy it.)

Stan Bear has made a quick transition into wanting to self feed. It's more challenging to spoon feed him, he either wants the spoon or will turn his head. If he grabs the spoon, I don't fight it. I let him have it, in fact I think he is getting good at grabbing the spoon and putting it in his mouth and feeding himself with it! Now if he could learn to scoop food up instead of smacking it (food flying everywhere, lucky ants.) In the "disgusting" picture above I gave him the pot because it was empty and he likes to "drink" out of any kind of container. Glugglugglug.

He was ready for this transition into self feeding probably much sooner than it took for us to catch on. I swear, it takes longer for us to transition to his changes and his growth. I feel like we're constantly trying to catch up. Or I feel like we barely get the hang of things and then BOOM he's on to something new (like crawling, or standing, or kindawalking.) I feel like he is teaching us rather than us (the parents) teaching him! For reals. He is waaaaay ahead of us on the growth chart. I wish he would send us a heads up a couple of weeks ahead of time so we could RSVP to his first step, or his first spoon-self-feed or his first word, or his first (fill in the blank.) But then I suppose that we would not be on the edges of our seats if we knew ahead of time. Not knowing, not being prepared makes this parenting thing WAY MORE EXCITING. We're having so much fun with him.

Breastfeeding and Cuddles

One of my favorite things while nursing is when he puts his little paw on my chest. You can see his chubby fingers under my shirt here.

Look at those long lashes! This is on a rare occasion when he is practically asleep on me. I miss those days of cuddle/sleep, so I study his little face and fingers and toes when rare moments like these take place. Pretty soon I'm sure he'll be done with nursing and just want to eat chicken and avocados. So I cherish these moments in breastfeeding so much!

P.S. Happy birthday Ma!!!

Water Play on the Stoop

His little bottom lip cracks me up. Those bags that look like bags of poo are bags of worm poo or worm castings from my worm farm at work! They've been sitting there for almost a year! I need to put them in the ground near a plant's roots...

On the first really warm spring day I plopped him on our front stoop with a bowl of water and some scoopers to see what he would do.

Huggie Bear

Aki Bear loves soft, fluffy things, like cats, dogs, Tomás the Bear, the leopard print pillow and cowstar. He wants to hug them all. Like so:

I think hugging is something that humans are born to do. I don't think we taught him to hug he just knows to do it to things that he loves and wants to touch. It's really neat.

Bubbles

In swim class we practice blowing bubbles underwater. He hasn't really done that in class but instead just spits the water out (which is better than swallowing it!) At home, during bath he practices his bubble blowing and he's getting good!

Mother's Day Ice Cream

Mother's Day Nap:

At my request we went to Maple View Farm for some ice scream on M's Day. Of course I forgot to bring the camera so I didn't get a pic of the Bear eating his first ice cream. I had Butter Pecan and Mike had Double Chocolate...both delicious. The Bear kicked his legs in delight when trying them both. He got a yellow balloon bear (it came a little unraveled) and fell asleep on the car ride home.

A Walk Around the Block

I asked Mike, who seems to know everything, what kind of tree this is (because Stanley loves petting it). Mike said, it's a weird spruce. So now we call it the weird spruce. I love how it's limbs are so low to the ground. 

Here are a neighbors Foxglove flowers. They are really gorgeous. They have this speckled pattern inside. Aki Burrito LOVES these. He gets so excited when he realizes that we're getting close to them. You'll see his excitement in the video below.

I just thought he looked cute here. With his water-soaked footie p.j.s and the morning light.

Here is a video of one of our morning walks around the block. It was probably around 7:30 am and we saw so many of our favorite things on the walk. Plus you get to see Aki Bear practicing his wave and his clapping!

Laundry "Helper"

It's almost impossible to get anything done around the house these days because Stan Bear is so mobile and active! The only thing the helps me stay sane is just simply letting go and letting him explore. Here he is in action:

Finger Foods...

Or shall we say, mouth foods:

The Bear prefers foods he can eat with his hands now. It makes feeding times a lot messier. Every now and then I can spoonfeed him things like yogurt, hummus or oatmeal but I have to either give him fingerfoods (like puffs or pieces of fruits) in between spoonfuls or he likes to hold on to something while he eats, like a cup or his water bottle.

Cruising

Here he is cruising along the bookshelves:

Bliss

Three and a half minutes of blissful laughter, jumping, squeals and chatter:

I LOVE...

I LOVE checking in on him when he is asleep to see him so peaceful and to see what sort of position he is in (one of those video monitors would be fun afterall!)

I LOVE watching him discover things - seeing the white flowers on the tree in the yard, watching the Koi Flag (Boys Day Flag) Fly in the air, dipping his face in water, touching a blueberry for the first time and tasting it. Such wonder.

I LOVE watching him learn how to communicate. One of the funniest thing is when I say, "Do you want some milk?" If he is on the other side of the room he'll crawl to me. If he is in my lap already he'll smile at me and if he has his pacifier in his mouth he'll spit it out and then smile. If I'm not fast enough de-bra-ing he'll start suckling on my belly (my belly is like a plump third breast...)  So he understands the words milk, up, kitty. I think he knows who Papa is and he knows he is Stanley. I think he knows what "come here" means. He reaches for things that he wants to be near or touch, like the tree branches or flags or ceiling fans or kitty. He shakes his head no when he's done eating, (most of the time.)

I LOVE watching him smile and laugh. He's such a joyful little guy. He laughed so heartily the other night while he was sitting up that he fell backwards.

I LOVE watching him see dogs on our walks because he flaps his arms in excitement and swings his feet in enthusiasm.

Swimming Part Deux

 

Stan Bear has had 4 swim classes now. These pics and video are from his 3rd class. This was his first time in the pool with his Papa. They practiced floating on their backs:

Thankfully the Bear has a built in innertube around his torso! Ha!
Watch him splash around:

Boy's Day

Boy's Day is a Japanese Holiday. It was originally called Tango no Sekku. It is now called Children's Day to include girls as well (yay for Patriarchal Japan!) Although there is also a Girl's Day but more specifically Doll's Day called Hinamatsuri. Anyhoo. Tradition on Boy's Day is to fly these gorgeous koi flags called koinobori.  It is a day set aside to respect children's personalities and to celebrate their happiness.

"Before this day (weeks), families raise the carp-shaped koinobori flags (carp because of the Chinese legend that a carp that swims upstream becomes a dragon, and the way the flags blow in the wind looks like they are swimming), one for each boy (or child), display a Kintarō doll usually riding on a large carp, and the traditional Japanese military helmet, kabuto. Kintarō and the kabuto are symbols of a strong and healthy boy."

We need to get a better pic of the Bear with his koinobori that was given to us by my parent's friends Karen and Al (Thank you!) Mike hung it out on our stoop a week before May 5. It's still up. 

Here is a pic from the internets of the koinobori flying high:

Image from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Day_%28Japan%29

Diaper Rash

Diaper rash is a horrible, horrible thing. I think it all started back when we went out to California for a week or so. We decided to use paper diapers since the cloth would have used up a lot of luggage space. We used Huggies, pure and natural and the Whole Foods brand dipes. We also used the Huggies wipes and the WF brand wipes. At home we usually use cloth wipes and water only. The rash snuck up and clung on strong. I think he either had a reaction to the wipes or the diaper material or something. The last time he had a rash the Doc said to switch to paper for awhile because it wicks away moisture better than cloth but that didn't work, maybe it helped a little. The first time I ended up washing our cloth dipes in hot water only and I think that may have helped too. So, I don't know. I don't feel like doing a controlled experiment on my wee ones' tush. I wish I knew what the cause of it was because I would avoid doing whatever it is to keep his nethers in good health. What has made it worse this time is that the new daycare won't use diaper creme; they say it is considered a topical medication and won't do it. ARRRRGH! That pissed me off when they told me that. The assistant director said that I could just sign a form saying it was o.k. but the next day the Director said no. I don't get it. They said that they would change his diaper more often to keep him dry. GRRRR. Anyways, we tried a different diaper creme, Desitin, as we'd heard raves about it from fellow mommies, but he would scream when we put it on him and we think that it stung his already raw rash. I'm sure it would be fine if he was rash free and we used it as a preventative. I put Burts Bee's powder but it seemed to get worse. Mike used Johnson's baby powder (he would put it on the diaper first so that the little particles wouldn't float up and into the Bear's lungs.) I did a combo of All Good Goop first and then Desitin. Nope. Still screams. He would scratch his crotch he was so uncomfortable and he even scratched it sans diaper and bled a bit. Poor fella. So,  I stopped the paper. I went back to cloth at home (paper at daycare still) and let him go nude for as long as possible after his first big poop of the day (because no one wants poop on the floor). He loves being nude too. Thankfully his rash is getting better. It's still there but it's better.

P.S.
Happy Mama's day to all of the wonderful Mothers out there! Having a wee one myself makes me even more thankful for what my Mom has done (and suffered!) from raising me. Thanks Mama, I love you.

Little Red Wagon

Remember Harold, my favorite garbage man? He found a perfectly good radio flyer wagon(we do need to fix one of the seat belts). Except this one isn't like the ones we had when we were kids. This is made of plastic, with 4 cup holders and folding seats. I can't wait to have one of the Bear's little friends ride along with him and have their little sippy cups in the cup holders. He loves going for walks in this thing. I try to take him for morning walks, especially those mornings that he's up at 6. I don't think he gets outside much on daycare days. So I try to get him some outdoor time on those days.

Grandaddy's Rocking Chair

This was my Maternal Grandaddy's rocking chair. The fourth generation of Beatty's has now donned it's soft butt upon it's seat.

I Lub the Tub

Even when the water drains out he loves being in the tub. He throws around his duckie, his foam blocks and this plastic cup which makes a deafening rattle.

Thoughts on Sleep

This is the Bear when he was just 3 days old!!!

I remember writing this post and then my no-cry sleep posts. I never thought I would have it in me to let the boy "cry it out." Just the sound of that sounds horrible and crappy. But with knowledge comes understanding. I'm glad I picked up the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. It has taught me a lot about sleep cycles, sleep associations and healthy sleep habits for babies, teenagers and even adults. (I also just read this great article from the New York Times, Diagnosing the Wrong Deficit and how A.D.H.D may be often misdiagnosed and instead be a sleep deficit.)  But that's a whole other sleep subject.

After reading most of his book, I was able to understand what we were doing wrong with the Bear and when he cried I knew why he was crying. At first, he was crying because he was so used to falling asleep at the breast and having my warm body next to him. Now, he had to figure it out on his own. Going back in to check on him at increments of 1 minute, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes (although Dr. Ferber recommends 5, 10 and 15 minutes) was like a dance in trust and reassurance. He had to trust that I hadn't left him in his dark and lonesome crib and I had to reassure him that I was just "in the other room" and that he could figure out a way to fall asleep on his own. I also had to reassure myself that this was going to work! I like how Dr. Ferber explains the struggles of this new sleep routine in a way that we adults can more easily understand. He gives examples like, "Think again about having to sleep without your pillow. If it became necessary, say for orthopedic reasons, that you sleep without a pillow, you would most likely find it quite difficult in the beginning. You would probably be uncomfortable at bedtime and thrash around searching for a comfortable position." This helps us silly adults relate to what might be happening with our little ones in the sleep department. The day that I posted about breaking our bad sleeping habits, my friend Heather left this comment:

I just saw a facebook update from Punam Bean (do you know of her, Erin?) about the sleep situation with her little babe. Thought you might find it encouraging. I love the way she writes...
 
"I had so many ideas of what kind of mother I wanted to be to my daughter before she was born. I thought I was being reasonable and realistic thinking of what kind of baby I would have, that we would co-sleep (to a point), I would breastfeed, that I would wear her, that we would give her a Montessori nursery instead of one with a traditional crib. I am a self conscious mother of the kind running rampant in this day and age. And I was lucky - SO lucky to have ended up with this incredibly intelligent, social, friendly, beautiful creature who makes my heart ache with joy every time I think of her, or look upon her. But at night, she screams - I mean SCREAMS - almost every night - like I'm murdering her - when we put her to bed. FOR HOURS. Just to be clear - she woke up 10-12 times PER NIGHT until she was about 1 year. We cuddled with her, we co-slept with her, we pinned her down, we changed her bed time, we made sure she was tired, we gave her a routine, we gave her tylenol if it seemed like she was teething. I read all the books, tried all the advice, and nothing worked consistently. I end each day losing my temper and feeling like the worst mother on earth, while my dear girl who I love more than anything on earth screams and screams for hours on end. She's on a twin bed on the floor. And tonight, I put her down, I cuddled close to her and said goodnight to her eyes, her ears, her hair, her elbows and so on, and I said, I love you so much. I'm going to get up, and I'm going to close the door that I've always left open. But I'll be right there, on the other side, and I won't leave until you fall asleep. Yes, I Ferberized her. What I swore I would never, could never do. My 14 month old. Because I was out of options. What did she do?
She screamed for 1 heartbreaking minute, went back to bed, and fell asleep.

So, the moral of the story is, I will never judge another mother for doing what works. I am a bad mother if I don't get some peace. And sleep. And here we are. Tomorrow is going to be a great day."

This line made me cry, "...I cuddled close to her and said goodnight to her eyes, her ears, her hair, her elbows and so on, and I said, I love you so much. I'm going to get up, and I'm going to close the door that I've always left open. But I'll be right there, on the other side, and I won't leave until you fall asleep."  I absolutely relate!!! You feel horrible about "Ferberizing" your baby, so you tell them how much you love them and assure them that you'll just be in the other room. And we do love them so much. (Mike says to me often, "Don't you just love him sooo much?" I love that.) And we don't want them to suffer, or be sad, or scared or uncomfortable. BUT IT WORKS. And that's why we have this dance of reassurance and trust and go back in if they are still crying. We gently touch their soft faces and sweep their hair out of their eyes and kiss away their tears. We let them know that we are there, just around the corner. And we get sleep, which means we can care better, play better, love better. And our babies sleep better. Because they sleep better they eat more and are nourished better and have a more predictable routine during the day. They are smart, these little humans. Stanley Bear slept for 11 hours the other night and the night after that. He made a couple of peeps throughout the night but I didn't get up to check on him and he was able to put himself back to sleep.

Before we started this routine we would tuck him in, close the door to his room, tip-toe around. I would snap at Mike for making the littlest of noises. It was such a tense atmosphere. With this new routine I chose to leave his door open. I felt like if he was crying he would feel comforted if he could hear us or see the glow of the light on in the other room. Now, I put him in his crib awake, give him kisses and say goodnight. I walk out of the room with the door wide open and Mike and I make dinner, talk in our regular voices, do dishes or laundry, watch T.V., listen to music...and he sleeps. He sleeps.

Sir Edmund Stanley

We've got ourselves a climber. He made his way up here all by himself and started smacking the VCR. (Yes, we still have one of those.)

11 Hours of BLISS

That's how long the Bear slept last night. 11 HOURS. From 7pm to 6am. YAY for EVERYONE! This new sleep routine is AMAZING and it WORKS!

Flying With Pa

Labor Pains of Parenting

Being a parent is challenging. I'm sure you've heard that all before but it's challenging in more than one way. For me, someone who's fairly laid back, doesn't like confrontation and who's not very assertive, has had to do the opposite of all of those things since the Bear has graced us with his adorable presence. I've constantly been told by more experienced parents to "just wait, it gets harder." Yes, I'm sure it will get harder but I bet there are some pretty great parts about each stage of his life too that I can look forward to.

In the last 9+ months I've learned so much. The learning curve just in the first several days of the Bear's life was not a curve, it was a vertical line shooting straight up and off the chart. It was hard to feed him every couple of hours and change 24+ diapers a day. Now we go through maybe 5-6 diapers a day and feed him every 3-4ish hours (I really don't keep track anymore) -

so that's an improvement. 

Even though he isn't sleeping through the night we both get longer spans of sleep now compared to those first several months - ( UPDATE : HE IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! Kind of...not really.)

so that's an improvement.

It was easier when he wasn't crawling but I think it's easier now than when he was in those in-between stages of learning to sit and learning to crawl/pull-himself-up-to-stand stage because he would fall a lot more then and you'd either need to put pillows all around him, let him fall on the floor and bang his head, or be there to catch his fall. Now he is really good at it and I don't need to play the literal safety net role anymore - so that went up and down from easier to more challenging to less challenging. 

Some things are easier, some things are harder. 

The other day a co-worker said, "Just wait until he starts school. It's so hard having to deal with other kids and parents." Bullying, teasing, parenting differences. Blech, can't wait...but there are rewards that come along with that next step in the wee one's life too - not just things we dread. I just read this great article over at Power of Moms titled "Joy? or Just Wait?" where she writes about how experienced parents have a habit of telling new parents, "Just wait, it get's harder." I love that she points out the positives...yeah, parenting is hard, but the rewards are wonderful and perhaps we need to remind people of the joy rather than the pains in the ass parts - or a little of both.

Most recently I've had to step out of my comfort zone and be more assertive with our daycare people, the new and the old daycare people. Being assertive is challenge for me. I don't like confrontation. I would rather give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are good but Aki Bear can't speak for himself we (Mike and I) are his advocates. We are his voice (for now). I can't make assumptions when it comes to my son. Being a parent has turned up the assertive juice - which is a good thing for both myself and the Bear.

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone

Except you don't really decide...it just happens.

I also think that Mike and I really influence one another. Because Mike is more assertive and less afraid of confrontations I find that when it comes to parenting, because we are a team, I have to take his feelings into consideration. A middle ground is usually found unless one of us can talk the other one down (or up.) The middle ground is still more confrontational or assertive than I'm used to but I'm learning. I think my agreeableness and diffidence, in turn, rub off on Mike. They do say that married couples begin to look like one another the longer they are together...I do have more chin hairs now than when I first met him. I bet the same can be said about personalities too.

So, it's hard but I'm learning a lot about myself. I found a wonderful quote the other day that talks about the first year of your baby's life. I think it fits into what I'm talking about.

"The most difficult part of birth is the first year afterwards. It is the year of travail - when the soul of a woman must birth the mother inside her. The emotional labor pains of becoming a mother are far greater than the physical pangs of birth; these are the growing surges of your heart as it pushes out selfishness and fear and makes room for sacrifice and love. It is a private and silent birth of the soul, but it is no less holy then the event of childbirth, perhaps it is even more sacred." Joy Kusek LCCE

I think the same thing can be said for the father too. Mike has definitely had emotional labor pains of becoming a father and has had to push out selfishness and fear. I love that quote.

So, here's to parenting - being pushed out of our comfort zone,  standing up for what's right, and protecting this little heart of ours crawling around outside of our bodies.

The Bear Wins

Here he is with his first Teddy Bear, from our friend Tomás...we named the bear, Tomás the Bear.
Here they are getting acquainted:

Stelyna and Stanlie

We miss being able to hang out with Shawnee and Stelina everyday.

Fun fact: You can spell their names with the letters from the others name. For example you can spell Stelina with the letters in Stanley's name: Stelyna. You can spell Stanley with the letters in Stelina's name: Stanlie. Those would be two options for their couple nick name. Or maybe it would be something more like Stelley or Stenley. We miss you!

Our New Sleep Routine

So, basically the Bear associates nursing and Mama with sleeping. He will fall asleep on the futon and his first night waking is around 3 1/2 to 4 hours after he goes down. He will wake up and see that his Mama is not there and cry. I will go to him and nurse him. He will fall asleep 5-10 minutes into nursing. I will stay sleeping on the futon with him for the rest of the night and when he wakes he will nurse again and fall asleep. Repeat this waking/nursing/sleeping thing 4 -5 times in the middle of the night...yaaaawn.  After reading Dr. Ferber's book I was more aware of his sleep associations and noticed that he would reach out (eyes closed) and just poke my arm or shoulder or chest to make sure I was still there. My presence helped him fall asleep and when he woke, my presence and nursing helped him to fall back asleep. According to Dr. Ferber babies who are 3 months and older don't need to be nourished during the night, so that is not something that I should be worrying about. Ferber writes,

Virtually all children without major medical or neurological disorders have the ability to sleep well. They can go to bed at an appropriate time, fall asleep within minutes and stay asleep until a reasonable hour in the morning. And while it is normal for each child (and adult) to have brief wakings during the night, these arousals should last only a few seconds or minutes and the child should go back to sleep easily on his own. 

What he suggests is to place the baby in his crib and tuck him in and say good night and then leave the room. Basically, the baby needs to figure out how to fall asleep on his own, no sleep aides like Mama, her nipple or even a pacifier. He suggests a 5, 10, 15 minutes routine but I changed it to 1, 3, 5, 10, 15 minute routine. What this means is once you tuck your baby in and he's crying after one minute you go in and console him, without rocking him or nursing him but maybe a gentle tap on the bum or belly. If he's standing I will pick him up and gently lay him down again. If he's lying down I will just touch his forehead or cheek and say something like, "It's time to go to sleep. I know you're upset because I am not here. I will be in the other room. Goodnight." and walk out. I leave the door open too, wide open (because otherwise he can open and shut it from the crib!) Then you wait 3 minutes. If he's still crying after three you go back in and do the same thing and your repeat this but each time you wait longer, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15minutes. If you have to then you repeat the 15 minutes over and over again until he falls asleep.

NIGHT 1

I didn't write down the time that I put him down but he cried through the 1, 3, and 5 minute cycle and MAN OH MAN was that hard on me (and him). But lo and behold 5 minutes into his 10 minute cycle he stopped crying and fell asleep at 8:28 pm (I'm estimating a 17 minute put down time.) I went in to check on him and he was sitting but leaning forward with his head between his feet. I pulled his legs out from underneath him.

He woke at 12:46 am (4.5 hours later), I went in and lay him back down and he cried. I left and he stopped screaming only 2 minutes later. 3 minutes later he was whimpering and then silence...asleep. He awoke at 3:33 am and 4:47 am just whimpering. Ferber says not to go in if they are whimpering, only if they are really crying. 5:06 he woke and then one minute later he was quiet...but then the next minute he was whimpering and then crying. At 5:29 am he broke out into a full cry and we did 3, 5, 10 and then it was 6 am and I thought, he's just awake. So we woke up after a rough first night. We were to continue this routine for his naps too.

NIGHT 2
7:51 pm I tucked him in. 1 minute. 3 minutes whimpering/crying. 3 minutes in to is 5 minute cycle he was down at 8:02 pm. 11 minutes...a 6 minute improvement from the previous night. When I checked on him he was on his belly. Hooray!

He woke at 11:15 (just over 3 hours later) and fell asleep during the 3 minute cycle. Whimpering at 1:30am. Awake at 2:30 am  - 2 minutes into the 3 minute cycle was babbling then asleep. He seemed to whimper on the hour that night. We both were exhausted the next day.

NIGHT 3
7 pm tucked in. 1 minute. 3 minute whimpering. 7:09 quiet...asleep! 9 minutes from tucked in to asleep, a 2 minute improvement from the night before!

He woke at 11:59 pm. (Almost 5 hours later.) 1 minute - down. Whimpering started at 2 am on the hour until 4:28 am he was crying. 3, 5, 10, 15, 15. Up, just up. I gave up but 5:15 is way to early for me to be awake. Another day spent like the walking dead.

NIGHT 4
I decided to start with 3 minutes instead of 1 minute this night. Tucked him in at 7:20 pm. 3 minutes later he was whimpering, 4 minutes after that he was quiet at 7:27pm. 7 minutes!, a two minute improvement from the previous night!

He awoke at 12:13am (4 hours, 45 minutes later). 3 minutes, whimpering. I wrote: 12:17am quiet...cries every now and then as if in pain or discomfort. Change dipe. 12:31, 5 minutes..12:36 wuiet. 1:08 whimpering. 4:42, 3, 5,10. 5:02 am asleep. I think we wok at 6:30 am that day. Another sleepwalking kinda day.

NIGHT 5
6:48 pm, 3 minutes. 6:52 quiet. 4 minutes! a 3 minute improvement.

He woke at 9:39 pm (just under three hours later.) During the day he only took 2 naps and with the poor sleep at night I think 3 naps are needed until we can improve the night time sleep. Ferber even says that they better/more they sleep during the day the better they'll sleep at night. Sounds strange but true, I have proof. 9:47 pm down. 11:39 pm and 1:30 am, whimpering. 1:42, up, 3 minutes...1:46 am quiet. Then whimpering almost on the hour, every hour. 5:30 am wake up. Blerrrrrg!!!!

NIGHT 6
7:43 pm tucked in. 7:45 pm asleep. 2 minute improvement! He took three naps during the day and one of the naps was late, from 6-7pm which I was a little nervous about but it worked out.

1:51am whimpering but I didn't get up. 4:21am, up (8.5 hours of blissful sleep! and I got to sleep 7.5 hours of that!) 5 minutes. 4:26am, asleep. 6:10 am, up for the day. We were both so refreshed.

NIGHT 7
7:56 pm, no crying when I put him down this time! A first! Just some quiet moaning. Down 3 minutes later at 7:59 pm.

He woke at 2:40 am (6.5 hours or so!) Then down at 2:46 am. Awake at 6:10 am.

As you can see, it works. It totally works. I have more thoughts on this subject but will save it for another post.

Here is a reward for reading all of that boring sleep stuff:

Beginning to Break Bad Sleep Habits

We're trying something new. I'm reading this book called, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. He does sleep study research. It's an interesting book even if you don't have children because he talks about the science of sleep and sleep cycles. From what I've concluded (by only reading the first several chapters) is that the Bear doesn't have any sleep disorders; it's his sleep associations that cause him to wake up in the middle of the night well, not wake up, that's normal, but stay up. This is a typical bedtime:

Nurse on the futon, fall asleep. Silently walk out of the room.

I have been leaving him on the futon because usually when I place him in the crib he automatically wakes up. But now he's crawling. We have a little gate on the side of the futon but not at the foot. Someday he's gonna sleepcrawl right off to a rude awakening. No one wants that. No one wants a sleepy, grouchy Mama either so there's another reason for this new routine. I tried for the life of me following the steps to the "No Cry Sleep Solution" that I've written about here, here, here, here and here but I couldn't do it. It seemed like I wasn't making ANY progress. You can see the low-tech bar graphs I made and they all look the same! I was so determined to make it work. The one thing that I took away from that is not falling asleep while nursing. We've stopped doing that. Yay for something accomplished!!! (Pats herself on tired, pitiful back.)

I was sifting through my stack of baby and parenting books that have seemed to pile up and got rid of 4 good ones to my co-worker who is having her first baby in September (Yay!) and found the Sleep Problems book which was actually recommended to me by my friend Anne-Michelle while I was pregnant. I even listed it in this post. She even wrote this advice along with the recommendation: (great to read before the baby comes, so you can see what bad habits not to get stuck with). I'm kicking myself for not taking that advice because this would have been a great one to read ahead of time. It's easier to create healthy routines from the get go rather than break ingrained habits and make changes after the fact. TRUST ME. This is hard. The method in this book, I think, is also the one that people refer to as the "crying it out method" although he doesn't refer to it as that. What I like about this book, besides all the research and sleep science is that he doesn't pussyfoot around about what you're going to do and what might happen. For some reason, I trust that this is going to work. Also, my friend Anne-Michelle used this method with her three lovely children and they all sleep through the night and don't seem like disturbed humans. I actually tried starting this on a Thursday night without talking to Mike about it other than saying, I'm trying this method from this book. Obviously I needed to have a more in depth conversation because when Stan Bear started crying and I wasn't going to him Mike was like, "So, what are you doing?" He was obviously concerned about the Bear but I felt unsupported and realized that I needed his full support if this was going to work. So I decided that we would do the old school routine for two more nights. After the Bear went to sleep that night I explained to Mike what the routine was and how I needed his support because not going to a crying baby is heartwrenching and makes my stomach hurt and I can't help but feel like I am a shitty parent, pardon my french. In the long run we will all be better rested and happier. I just know it.

I will keep you updated!

P.S. I've got a good progress report for you! Coming soon!